There are so many reasons why so many people behave a certain way at a certain time. Are they dealing with some grief? Are their hormones speaking for them? Do they keep touching their face because you have something stuck on yours? Or do they have a strange physical tic! The thing is …EVERYBODY HAS THEIR STUFF, and there’s often a reason why someone is behaving a certain way, plus it may have absolutely nothing to do with you.
In recent times some of the health-related issues people experienced may have been made worse with all the external stress. For some of us, it may have been a quick sink into some familiar aches and pains, for others our bodies only gave way to our chronic health issues after things got better because we’ve had to be strong for the household, but now the body is making up for pushing hard through it all.
We can’t underestimate how difficult it has been for some. Now more than ever it’s time to be kind to ourselves first, then we can have the energy needed to be kind to others. (A couple of quickies you could do for you right now – you deserve it). Let’s start at home!
A little about everybody having their stuff. From a quick shout out around people I know, there have been some fairly regular bouts of ‘helpful advice’ they have received in answer to their health or family member’s health issues.
Here’s a couple you might even relate to…
A girlfriend with lifelong fertility problems, who did eventually succeed via IVF but then at a later stage had a hysterectomy, will often get asked ‘when will you have another?’ Even from people who know her history, and/or complete strangers. Which seems pretty bonkers? Yet it’s happened to her many times.
There’s a beautiful mamma I know with a severely Autistic daughter, whom she adores, but of course, it’s so dammed hard. She’s had comments from “Your child just lacks discipline” to “I have a cousin who drank this herbal tea from Sri Lanka that I swear fixed her Autism after a few months.” And many more not so helpful and downright crazy advice.
One woman I asked said she’s coeliac and can’t even sniff gluten without having a physical conniption, but I love her approach. She says, “I just remind myself that they are clueless, the people who just don’t get it, and they just don’t know how lucky they are to be that way. But I roll my eyes. A LOT.” I dig how she just doesn’t take it personally and thinks about it as their issue, not hers.
We’ve all had the pats on the tummy when pregnant and they don’t eat this or that advice, somehow pregnancy invites so much ‘input’, it can be sweet, even helpful, but also at times intrusive. (PS I have released a Pregnancy Oil – if you are up the duff!).
I reckon some of the constant comments and judgements about health issues or lack of understanding can be hard though, especially if we’re feeling a bit vulnerable or having a rough day. I have Vertigo which can be really debilitating and scary. (I wrote about it recently on my Facebook page – See here).
Although it can be a bit disheartening and frustrating, I do think it helps to flip things on their head and just think, “It’s ok; unless they’ve been through it they just don’t know it.” And there are those good souls who get it because they’ve seen it in a friend or family member or have empathy for others situations, not everyone lacks understanding and love, I thought I’d drum up some comebacks to use for those of us that need it. When we’re confronted with this stuff sometimes it’s easy to think of the thing you could have said when you’re halfway home dang it! Why didn’t I say ….such and such…
Helpful advice…. delivered….
Response 1 – For random strangers: “Tried it, didn’t work, (then come up with some crazy long and graphic story about how it affected your every orifice).”
Response 2 – For helpful family and friends: “Well… if that did work, I’m sure almost all of us would be cured by now because none of us wants this.”
Response 3 – For close acquaintances: “It sounds like something I would be too lazy to try… you know how much I love having a chronic illness.”
Response 4 – For Great Aunties “I’m glad that works for you (or such and such), but I do trust my care team.”
Response 5 – For inappropriate neighbours “Disease is making a comeback, didn’t you know? Also what I have is highly contagious.”
So I guess those are only reserved for the people that might really cheese you off! But sometimes it’s good to laugh at situations because it really is the best medicine.
Much love to you, and cheers to good health.